Latest Jokes

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"

The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"

Sign I want on the side of my coffin...

"Don't take life too seriously. Now this, THIS is serious!"

Word got out in a old Western town that Black Bart escaped from Jail and was heading that way. The townsfolk gathered in the saloon to discuss what to do next since the sheriff was out of town.

"How will we recognize him? It's been so long since anyone actually saw him and lived to tell about it," said the town's barber.

"I heard he could eat bullets and kill you by just spitting," said the hotel owner.

All of a sudden, a kid runs into the saloon and yells, "Someone's coming and I think it's Black Bart!"

Sure enough a huge 6 ft tall rugged, tough-looking, bearded, black clothed cowboy with an eye patch and a long scar down the left side of his face and huge muscular arms and chest came walking through the saloon doors. Only sound you could hear was his spurs as he walked up to the bar. No one dared to move or utter a sound; too frightened to move.

He looked around at all the townsfolk, hiding behind tables and chairs holding their breath. He walked up to the bar and took out his gun and banged it on the counter. The bartender yelped.

He yelled to the bartender hiding behind the counter, "Git up and give me a whiskey!"

The bartender poured him a shot glass of whiskey. He took the glass, drank it down, then ate the shot glass. Two women fainted and the sound of teeth chattering could be heard behind the piano. The bartender nervously asked, "Would you like another glass sir?"

"Naw. I need to go. Hav'ta leave town," he said.

"You're leaving so soon?" the bartender asked, puzzled.

"Heck yeah! Didn't you hear? Black Bart's coming this way!"

Charlie Brown, Lucy, and Linus started their own business...

However, no one wants to come work for them because no one wants to work for Peanuts.