Latest Jokes

My chiropractor is no comic, but he really cracks me up.

Shrink: "In your own words, please describe how you see yourself?

Me: "Reverse Tardis."

Shrink: "And why is that?"

Me: "Bigger on the outside."

Shrink: "And how does your wife see you?"

Me: "Same way, different perspective."

Shrink: "And how's that?"

Me (tears in eyes): "Smaller on the inside."

I went to a concert the other night...

I didn't mind being so high up in the stands that I could barely make out the stage...

But to add insult to injury, did the ushers really have to hand out tissues for nosebleeds?

Owner of a aircraft manufacturing company stopped by the aircraft testing airfield to check on the newest test pilot.

He asked the supervisor how the new guy was doing. "Terrible! He has already crashed four planes this week!"

Owner replied, "How is this possible? Where did he work before coming here?"

Supervisor said, "He designed Windows software for Microsoft."