Latest Jokes

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Now that I'm older and life has slowed down I've had time to take a closer look at things. I've found so much humor in everyday things, so much so that I'll sometimes burst out in uncontrollable laughter and hysterics.

The local gang members must really like humor and seem to respect my new outlook on life. So much so that they always give me a wide birth even after dark.

My brother spent all of the “fun money” our parents had allotted halfway through his first semester at college.

He sent this text to our dad: Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.

Our dad replied with: Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.

About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep.

No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"