What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?
A limbo champion walked into a bar...
He was disqualified.
I phoned my work this morning and said, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”
He said, “You have a wee cough?”
I said, “Really? Thanks boss, I could use a week off!"
My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad.
But don’t worry...