Man (to his boss): "Can we talk? I have a problem."

Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"

Man: "Ok then, I have a serious drinking opportunity."

Why do archaeologists get all the girls?

Because they have the best dating techniques.

You know it's just too hot when...

1. Fireflies are asking you to put them out.

2. Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

3. Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

4. Your sweatpants are sweating and you're not even wearing them!

5. The thermometer resigned.

6. The National Weather Service says its too hot to declare a heat advisory.

What are the favorite vegetables in Washington, D.C.?

In Congress, it's celery...

At the White House, carrots...

And of course, at the Supreme Court, leeks.