Top 5 Things We're Hoping A.I. Does For Us:

Call balls and strikes. Seriously. Is it in the square, or not?

Explain how my wife can always be wrong.

Defend my Magic the Gathering collection with laser weapons.

Help me understand why Carrot Top is funny.

Replacing rolls of toilet paper the right way.

The air traffic controller, working a busy pattern, told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (usually done to provide spacing between aircraft).

The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?"

Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

My wife packed my bags and told me to leave.

As I was headed out the door, she said, "I hope you live a long and lonely life!”

I replied, "So now you want me to stay?"

What do you call those who fully listen to both sides of an argument?

Neighbors.