After a very passionate sermon the preacher was standing at the door to greet the departing congregation when one very upset lady said, "Pastor, I am very disappointed in your sermon...you said the word 'damn'."
"Oh," said the Pastor. "I am sorry if I offended you. What did I say just before that word?"
"I don't remember," she said.
"Well, what did I say after that word?"
"I don't remember," she said.
"I guess it was good that I used that word or you would not have heard ONE WORD I said."
A Sunday school teacher wanted to stimulate her first grade class as the lesson started by asking them, "Do you want to go to heaven today?" All but one of the ten children raised their hands enthusiastically. Everyone but Susie.
"Susie, don't you want to go to heaven?" she asked.
"Yes, I do." Susie replied
"Well, why did you not raise your hand when I asked if you want to go to heaven?"
"I really want to go to heaven, but not with these guys," she replied.
Mary, Anna, and Tess died and went to heaven. God warned them, "Do whatever you want, but don't step on the pink clouds." One day, Mary decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was an ugly man next to her. Anna and Tess asked, "Where'd you get that ugly man?"
"I stepped on a pink cloud." The next day, Anna decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was an ugly man next to her. Mary and Tess asked, "Where'd you get that ugly man?" "I stepped on a pink cloud."
The next day Tess decided to go for a walk. When she came back, there was a cute man standing next to her. Mary and Anna asked, "Where'd you get that cute man?"
The man said, "I stepped on a pink cloud."
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check things out.
When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not." God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down another angel for a second opinion."
When that angel returned, he went to God and said, "Yes, it's absolutely true. The Earth is in a ravaging decline! 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to send an email to the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the E-mail said?
Just wondering.......I didn't get one either!