Best Jokes

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his
parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why,
they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this they've had such good results with this program that they've
implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program? "

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will
find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read
something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back
in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that
little redhead who lives on Oak Street?"

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that sorry excuse for a dog before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

Why do you never see an elephant up a tree?

Because they are really good at it.

A woman was following her boyfriend home in her car when he hit a rabbit in the road. He stopped the car and saw the rabbit lying prone in the road. He felt terrible.

His girlfriend assessed the situation and dug into her purse and sprayed the rabbit who quickly jumped up hopped a few feet and turned and waved one of his front paws.

The boyfriend said what did you spray him with? She said my hair spray it says on the label:

REVIVES DEAD HAIR (hare) GIVES PERMANENT WAVE

Gracie was driving down the road in her pickup truck when she spotted a blonde sitting in a canoe in the middle a corn field. She slammed on her brakes and swerved into the corn field.

Pulling up beside the blonde, she rolled down her window and shouted, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!?"

The blonde in the canoe looked at her, confused and said, "Well, I'm just out enjoying the sun in my canoe."

Gracie was fuming. She yelled back, "Why are you out in the middle of the cornfield!?!"

"Well, it seemed like a great day to be in the wide open," the blonde replied.

"You know," Gracie said, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt!"