Best Jokes

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money!" he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this – I am a United States congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"

Two brooms fall in love and decide to get married. At the reception, the bride broom wants to dance with the groom broom. While dancing, the bride broom tells the groom broom, "I want us to have a little whiskbroom." The groom broom replies to the bridebroom, "We can't, we haven't swept together yet."

This man comes through a door to the bar and slipped on a pile of crap, he mumbles and brushes himself off. He orders a drink and sits down. A few minutes later a younger man walks through the door yelling and screaming, and he slips on the pile of crap. He gets up and looks around, and then he sits down next to the older guy. The older man says, "I did that!" The younger man punches the old man and leaves.

There are three friends who are sitting in a diner having lunch. On the table is a glass with some water. One of the friends who is an optimist says the glass is half full. The second friend who is a pessimist says the glass is half empty. The third friend who is a plumbing engineer says the glass is too small.