Best Jokes

Did you see the cereal box and the fruit punch?

Now that’s what I call a food fight.

Scott: "When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress!"

Billy: "Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scott, maybe you should start running now."

A PhD student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the PhD student.

“I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman.”

Poof! He’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the post-doc. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.”

Poof! He’s gone.

“You’re next,” the Genie says to the professor.

The professor says, “I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.”

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesman.

“Anywhere from $2 to $2,000.”

“Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer.

The salesman put the device around the man’s neck and said, “You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket.”

“How does it work?” asked the customer.

“For $2, it doesn’t work,” said the salesman. “But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder!”