Best Jokes

A man was putting up a knotty pine wall in the living room. His young son was curious.

“What are those holes for?” he asked.

“They’re knotholes,” replied the father.

“If they’re not holes,” the boy asked puzzled, “then what are they?”

A man goes on a business trip to Liverpool during the course of which he has to make a long journey by taxi. During the journey, the driver decides to break the monotony and says to the man, “Do you like riddles?”

“Oh yes,” says the man, “I think so.”

“OK,” says the taxi driver. “Try this one: ‘Brothers and sisters have I none, but this man’s father is my father’s son.’ Who is it?”

The man tries to work out the puzzle but in the end says, “No. It’s no good. I can’t do it. Who is it?”

“It’s me!” says the taxi driver. “Think about it!”

“Oh yes!” says the man. “Very good!”

The rest of the journey passed in silence. A few days later the man is back home again where he decides to try the riddle out on a friend.

“Do you like riddles?” he asks his friend.

“Oh yes!” says the friend.

“Right!” says the man. “Try this one: ‘Brothers and sisters have I none, but this man’s father is my father’s son.’ Who is it?”

The friend thinks and thinks and in the end says: “No. it’s no good. I can’t get it.”

“Ha! It’s easy!” says the man. “It’s a taxi driver from Liverpool!”

Compact disc manufacturers were worried about music industry plans to phase out CDs and bring back LPs. Defending the threat to their livelihood, the CD manufacturers took their case to court, where the judge listened patiently to a lengthy debate about the relative merits of CDs and LPs.

After weighing up the various arguments, the judge ruled in favor of LPs.

The CD manufacturers were furious. “Do we have no right of appeal?” they demanded.

“I’m afraid not,” said their lawyer. “The judge’s decision is vinyl.”

Remember when everyone had diaries and got mad when someone read them?

Now they put everything on Facebook and get mad when they don't!