Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...
All the king's horses and all the king's men...
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash?
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
And that's when the fight started....
Son: "Mom, do I look like God?"
Mom: "No, honey. Why?"
Son: "Because everywhere I go, people say, 'Oh God, he is back!'"
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked.
"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone, I found that the cat had eaten it!"
"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."