Best Jokes

I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...

I sent them my pay stub...

Not only did they immediately remove the malware from my system, but they also put some money into my account.

A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years.. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the Rancher.

How do you ask a tyrannosaur out to lunch?

"Tea, Rex?"

Run to the Round House Nellie...

They can't CORNER you there!