Best Jokes

A man arrived at work one morning wearing a good sized diamond ring.

One of his co-workers noticed the sparkler and asked about it.

The man explained, “My mother-in-law gave me a thousand dollars before she passed away. She said that when she dies, I should buy a beautiful stone. So I did!"

A man and his wife were driving their recreational vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure out how to pronounce it: KISS-a-me? kiss-a-ME? kiss-A-me?

They grew more perplexed as they drove into town. Since there were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the person at the register, "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that we can understand?"

The cashier looked at him and said, "Buuuurrr gerrrrrrrr Kiiiinnnng."

Mr. and Mrs. Smith were always fighting. Then one morning as Mrs. Smith was driving around town, running some errands, her car was crashed into by a hit and run driver at a relatively low speed.

A police officer rushed up and asked her if she'd taken the car's number.

"I didn't need to," replied Mrs. Smith. "It was my husband in that car."

"Did you see him?" asked the officer.

"No," said Mrs. Smith, "but I'd recognize that laugh anywhere."

A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?"

"Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..."

His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!"

Fred was completely silent. After a long pause, the wife continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous! Fred simply will not use any navigation devices or ask for directions!"