Best Jokes

The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"

"No," I replied.

"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"

"I really don't have any," I said.

"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.

"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.

There was a brief silence, and then he asked, "Are you looking for a husband?"

A girl prayed to God, “Dear God, Why is it that you don’t make smarter men anymore?”

God replied, “I stopped making smarter men, the day 'Smart’ phones were made.”

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

Energy efficient vehicle.

Runs on oats and grass.

Caution: Do not step in exhaust.

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well deserved complaining and self-pitying.

She moaned to her mom and her younger brother, "Nobody loves me...the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word... "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."