Little Johnny was on the playground having a disagreement with another boy. The teacher comes out and tells the boys the best way to solve problems is to be agreeable and also open to compromise.
Little Johnny replies, "OK, I’ll agree to let him compromise."
A politician died and went to the pearly gates. He peered over the angel's shoulder and saw several clocks. He asked the angel what the clocks represented. The angels told him the hands of the clock only move when someone is lying.
The man saw George Washington's clock on the wall and asked the angel about George's clock. “The hands only moved once. That was the time he lied to his father about the cherry tree.”
Then the man saw the clock that belonged to Abe Lincoln and asked about the hands on his clock. “The hands did not move because he was known as 'Honest Abe.'”
“Where is my clock?”
“Oh, it's in God's office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."
A man was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made for a wonderful reading. After the man read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all that it says here?"
The agent said, "You most certainly have... why do you ask?"
The man replied, "Cancel the sale, this house is too good to part with!"