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Favorite this joke "Mom says that drinking a buffalo's milk makes us smarter."
"She's lying. If it did make one smarter, then the buffalo's calves would be scientists."
Me: "I'll have the french dip."
Waitress: "French Fries?"
Me: "No, I'll Have the FRENCH DIP."
Waitress: (nods) "French Fries?"
Me: "No, I want the french dip. It's a beef sandwich that come with au jous sauce that you can dip it in."
Waitress: "Yes, I know what a french dip is. But would you like french fries with that?"
Me: "Oh. Yes, thank you."
John: When I was in college one of my professors did a study on "WHAT IS THE BEST LENGTH FOR A PERSON'S LEGS."
Fred: That sounds interesting.
John: Yes it was, and do you know what he found to be the best length for a person's legs?
Fred: No, what was it?
John: Just long enough to reach the ground.
Finally old enough to date, I awkwardly take my first girlfriend to a fancy restaurant where they don't have cheeseburgers or pizza on the menu.
Waitress: Soup or Salad?
Me: Sure, super salad sounds good!
Waitress: Sir, soup or salad?
Me: Yep, super salad sounds good.
Waitress, slightly annoyed: Would you like the soup.... or... the salad?
Me, embarrassed and red: I'll have the salad.
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