A Lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”
“Really?” he says. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”
A shipwrecked sailor spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge showed the marooned sailor a few news headlines and told him, "With the captain's compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still wish to be rescued."