Latest Jokes

A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber.

The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600.

The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!"

The plumber replied sympathetically, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer."

Daughter: "Mommy, where did I come from?"

Mom: "Sweetheart, you came out from Mommy's body."

Daughter: "How exactly?"

Mom: "Well, your head came out first, then your arms, followed by your legs."

Daughter: (thinking about what she just heard) "How did you assemble them?"

A farmer asked the vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn't doing well at all. After checking the bull's vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill.

He forced open the bull's mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet. Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence in his way.

The vet exclaimed, "Well, looks like your bull is healed!"

The farmer replied, "Now give me one of those pills. I've gotta catch him!"

The 65th annual Miss Universe was on the other night...

Funny thing is for the 65th year in a row, the winner was from Earth.