A man was going bald and told his friends he was going to get a rabbit tattooed on his head as it was a lot cheaper than an implant or a toupée.
His friends asked how getting a rabbit tattooed on his head would help?
The man replied, "Well, at least from a distance it will look like hare."
Eating too much pi, can give you a large circumference.
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed. I had a roof over my head. I had TV and internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA online. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I just got out of prison."