Latest Jokes

A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!" "What's that mean?" asks the girl. "That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast." "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon." What's that?" asked the guy. The girl says, "That's French toast."

Phil and Will built a skating rink in the middle of a pasture on a cold winter.
A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut
across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and
wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the
other side. "Look at that," remarked Phil to Will. "That guy is
trying to pull the wool over our ice."

A Defendant in a court case was in a precarious situation regarding his Federal indictment, and the subsequent preponderance of evidence of his guilt. The day of his appearance on the witness stand, the bailiff had sworn him in for his testimony and he was asked to swear on a Bible that he was telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The Defendant answered in his customary evasive style, "Show me the part of the Bible where there is a spelling error, and I will swear on that".

A student burst into his professor’s office and says, "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this 'F' grade that you've given me!"

To which Professor Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."