Latest Jokes

Q. What do you call a polar bear with ear muffs?
A. Anything you want, he can’t hear you!

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release (by Mr. Welch himself) stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason at all, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left-turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, and you would have to reinstall the engine.

4. When your car died on the freeway for no reason, you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT', and then added more seats.

6. Apple would make a car powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five per cent of the roads.

7. Oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car default' warning light.

8. New seats would force every-one to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of road maps from Rand-McNally (a subsidiary of GM), even though they neither need them nor want them. Trying to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You would press the 'start' button to shut off the engine.

Money can't buy happiness but it keeps the kids in touch!

A big group of hunters were in the middle of the jungle and decided to split into smaller groups. Four fools decided to form one of the smaller groups and started walking.

After a while, one of them realized they were quite far away from the main group, and that they couldn't possibly find the way back. One of the other fools says to the other three: "I've heard that whenever you can't find your group, what you have to do is to shoot three times to the air and wait for someone to find you" They shoot three times to the air, wait a while, but nothing happens. So they shoot three more times to the air but, again, no one comes to help them. After trying three shots more the fool says: "I hope this time someone can find us... that was my last arrow"