The bum approached the well-dressed man. “Say, pal, could you spare ten bucks for a soft drink?”
“Ten dollars!” the man exclaimed. “Listen my dear fellow, not even in this city will you find
a place that charges so much for a soda.”
I know, said the panhandler, “but it’s my girlfriend’s birthday and I wanted to knock off early.”
After his divorce Mr. Lewis realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.
Harry and Esther are out shopping one morning when
Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday
tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she
would like something electric."
Harry replies, "How about a chair?"
The world’s worst conductor was directing up his band during a practice for an upcoming concert. Half way through the first act he was directing with wild abandon when, out of his hand, his baton flew and impaled itself in the eye of a flute player instantly killing her. The police arrive shortly after and ruled the case as an accident. The following week at practice, he again was caught up in the music of the second act and out of his hand flew the baton, which this time struck a flute player in the eye instantly killing her. The police arrived and after consideration ruled the case an accident. The following week at practice the conductor again got lost in the moment of the music of the third act and out of his hand flew the baton this time hitting a trumpet player in the eye and killing him instantly. After the police arrived they could not believe that this was an accident after the third death, and the conductor was arrested. The conductor was tried and sentenced to death in the electric chair. After strapping him in the chair operator threw the switch, nothing happened. Again he threw the switch and nothing happened. The warden was frustrated by this time and demanded that the chair operator explain what the problem was, to which the chair operator explained, "Well, everyone knows he's a bad conductor