kid jokes

After 10 years, a mother can no longer deny that her child does not look like her or her husband. She decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What’s up?"

Wife: "According to DNA test results, this is not our kid."

Husband: "Well you don’t remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had soiled its diaper. Then you said, 'Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.' So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there."

Five-year old Jeffery was sitting next to an elderly lady in church. When it came time to put money in the collection plate, the lady didn't have any money so she passed the plate on to the next person, who was sitting to Jeffery's right.

He watched the proceedings and finally spoke to the elderly lady, "We didn't want any did we?"

She had to contain her laughter.

During midweek church service, Ms. Smith was teaching the five-year old class. She opened with, "Is there anyone we need to pray for this evening?"

Bobby raised his hand, "Ms. Smith, Johnnie broke his arm."

"What happened to him?"

"He was playing Superman and fell off the top bunk of his bed."

"Then we will pray for Johnnie."

"What for? He's gonna get better sooner or later anyhow."