Best Jokes

I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

His wife says, "Take half and leave you."

The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"

I’ve decided I’ll never get down to my original weight and I’m okay with that...

After all, 6 lbs 3 oz is just not realistic.