Best Jokes

The bartender asked a guy sitting at the bar, ”What'll you have?

The guy answered, ”A scotch, please.”

The bartender handed him the drink and said, ”That’ll be $5.”

The guy said, “What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.”

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, said to the bartender, ”You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.

The bartender was understandably unhappy, but said to the guy, ”Okay, I'll let you off this time, but don't ever let me catch you in here again.”

The next day, the same guy walked into the bar. The bartender said: “What the hell are you doing in here? I thought I told you to steer clear of this joint. I can’t believe you’ve got the nerve to come back.”

The guy said innocently: “What are you talking about? I never been in this place in my life.”

Fearing that he made a mistake, the bartender backed down. “I’m very sorry,” he said, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”

The guy replied: “Thanks. Make it a scotch.”

Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses.

The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.

This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can SCANDINAVIAN.