Best Jokes

Starving after hours of driving nonstop, my husband and I pulled over at a truck stop. While he gassed up the car, I went into the restaurant and placed our order to go.

After writing it all down, the girl behind the register asked, “Will that be all for you?”

“No,” I replied a bit defensively. “Some of it’s for my husband.”

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful.

"In ten years," I began, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now."

Carolyn shrugged, "That's okay, because in ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway."

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."

"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"

A woman was driving down the street and got stopped by a police officer.

"May I see your driver's license?" he said.

She looked at him with disgust.

"What's the matter with you guys? I wish you'd make up your minds. You took my license from me yesterday."