Best Jokes

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful.

"In ten years," I began, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now."

Carolyn shrugged, "That's okay, because in ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway."

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."

"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"

A woman was driving down the street and got stopped by a police officer.

"May I see your driver's license?" he said.

She looked at him with disgust.

"What's the matter with you guys? I wish you'd make up your minds. You took my license from me yesterday."

The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I see you have put 'ASAP' down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put 'AMAP' down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?"

The applicant replied, "As much as possible!"