Best Jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all escape from prison. They hear the cops coming so they each climb a tree.

The cops come and shine flashlights in the trees.

They shine a light on the tree with the brunette and she goes "whoo whoo" like an owl.

They shine the light in the redhead's tree, she goes "Tweet Tweet" like a bird.

They shine the light on the blonde’s tree... "Moooooo".

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.

2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.

3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.

4. For dinner, prepare him an especially nice meal.

5. Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.

6. Don't discuss your problems with him.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her. "You're going to die," she replied.

A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town.

When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively.

"I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."