Best Jokes

The prizefighter and the lady, out on a blind date, were dining at a Broadway night club.

"You have such shell like ears, so thin and delicate, but..." he added teasing, "that's an indication of a weak character, isn't it?"

"I don't know about that," she came back, "but I do know that thick ears are a sign of a weak defense."

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first...

Your money or your feet!

A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?"

He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.

Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"

Me: "Certainly, what width?"

Customer (confused and slightly annoyed): "Scissors?"