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Favorite this joke Yo momma is so ugly, that your daddy stays home just so he don't have to kiss her goodbye!
I was working in my downtown flower shop, when I noticed a man grab a bouquet and head for the door without paying.
By the time I got to the door, he was halfway down the block.
As I ran after him, I heard a woman across the street yell, "Run, Florist, Run!"
My wife asked me what my favorite time to have sex was?
Apparently "when you're at work" was the wrong answer.
Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my gosh, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he won't notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the heck is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, four… By gosh, you're right, dear!"
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