Best Jokes

You Might Be A College Student If.....

... you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen.
... you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.

... you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
... you have ever written a check for 45 cents.

... you get more e-mail than snail mail.
... you have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping.

... your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups
... your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.

... you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.
... your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't.

... you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy.
... you wake up 10 minutes before class.

... your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over.
... you get more sleep in class than in your room.

Following an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother, eight noisy and shoving siblings, and I arrived at Rheine-Main Air Base in Germany.

"Do you have any weapons or illegal drugs in your possession?" the customs agent asked my weary mother.

"Sir," she said while separating my brother and me, "if I had either of those items, I would have used them by now."

A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship it!"

The prizefighter and the lady, out on a blind date, were dining at a Broadway night club.

"You have such shell like ears, so thin and delicate, but..." he added teasing, "that's an indication of a weak character, isn't it?"

"I don't know about that," she came back, "but I do know that thick ears are a sign of a weak defense."