Best Jokes

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.

2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.

3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.

4. For dinner, prepare him an especially nice meal.

5. Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.

6. Don't discuss your problems with him.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her. "You're going to die," she replied.

A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town.

When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively.

"I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."

Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another.

Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom. “Tom what’s going on?” Mark asked.

“It’s my wife Beckie,” Tom replied. “She ran off with my best friend!”

“Hey wait a second!" said Mark. “Aren’t I your best friend?”

“Not any more,” Tom said with a happy smile. “He is!”