Best Jokes

A man tell his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking”
“What did he say?”
“He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.”
“Did that do any good?”
“No – I can’t get the chocolate to light.”

A recently widow says to her friend, “Oh don’t talk to me about lawyers”
“I’ve had so much trouble settling my late husband’s estate that I sometimes whish he hadn’t died….”

“So, thundered Greg’s furious father, “you have been expelled from college, have you?”
“Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang.”

A guy is passing a Mental Hospital surrounded by a wall and he hears the chanting inside, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen! Curious to see what’s going on he finds a small hole in the wall, so he bends and peeks inside. Someone inside pokes him hard in the eye and everyone starts inside chanting, Fourteen! Fourtee! Fourteen!