Best Jokes

Where does a pessimistic space shuttle travel?

Through Negative Space.

Cop: "Seen anything unusual?"

Me: "A dolphin with a hat, once."

Cop: "I mean around here."

Me: "Nah - they live in water."

A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.”

“You jerk!” yells a voice from 
the back of the courtroom.

“You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with a hammer,” 
says the judge.

“Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows the same man.

“Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.”

“I’m sorry, your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this jerk’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one!”