Best Jokes

A woman walked past a pet store and looked in and saw a parrot. The parrot said, “Hey lady, you sure are ugly.”

The lady was so upset that she ran inside and told the owner, “If your parrot says that about me again I will tell everyone I know that you are training your parrots to say mean things.”

The owner replied, “I promise you ma'am, my bird will never say those words to you again.”

The next day the lady came into the pet store and the parrot looked at the lady and said, “Hey lady, you know!”

If I had $1 every time someone over 40 told me my generation was the problem...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined!

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

Finally, the children called her to come downstairs. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."