Best Jokes

In the daily briefing for the weather the weather man suggested with 100% certainty that the forecast for the afternoon call for heavy rains.

Assistant: "Are you positive, sir?"

Weatherman: "Yes indeed. I've lost my umbrella, I got my car washed on the way in, I'm going golfing, and my wife's giving a lawn party."

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer.

"The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of them," said the pilot, trying to be friendly.

Unwilling to leave their dead deer, the hunters said "We got six on the plane last year."

The pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, "Any idea where we are?"

The second hunter said, "Yeah, right about where our plane went down last year."

I’ve started growing herbs in my garden.

To help identify them I’m growing them in alphabetical order.

My neighbour asked me, “How do you find the time?”

I said, “Easy, it’s right here next to the sage.”