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Favorite this joke No offense, but I was raised to “take care of my husband”...
Wash his clothes, clean the house, wear gloves, get rid of the body, act really sad at the funeral.
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.
"I know," the owner said, "but last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."
The contractor said, "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."
Two mothers met for coffee. "Well Ruthie, how are the kids?"
"To tell you the truth, my son has married a real tramp!" says Ruth. "She doesn't get out of bed until 11. She's out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? Ha! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."
"Oh! What a shame. And how about your daughter?"
"Ah! Now there's a lucky girl. She has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy whatever she needs, and in the evening he always takes her out to dinner at a nice restaurant."
Secretary: "Congratulations for being elected as the new chairperson for our party!"
Party Chairman: "Thank you! But what is this noise on the streets?"
Secretary: "Sir, party members are celebrating on you becoming the new party chairman."
Chairman: "Please ask them to stop. I don't want any kind of show off from our party men."
Secretary: "Sir, they are not from our party. They belong to the opposition."
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