"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"
"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel."
"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours."
Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, but that was during office hours."
A chemist's favorite carnival ride is...
The Ferrous Wheel!
Maddi: "But you've only known the man for two weeks! You're not thinking of marrying him are you?"
Julia: "Well it isn't as if he's a total stranger... I have a girlfriend that was engaged to him for several years."
To show his appreciation to the community, the military base commanding officer held an open house. This included a free meal in the mess hall.
A young private was busing tables when he noticed a family leaving a large tip. "Excuse me. We can't accept tips," he told them.
"It's not for you," said the woman. "That's to help send your cook to culinary school."