The Dean is hospitalized after a heart attack.
As he is lying in his hospital bed reflecting on his near brush with death, an attendant arrives with a lovely bouquet of flowers.
The Dean asks the attendant to hand him the card and finds that it reads, "By a vote of 26 to 3 with 2 abstentions, the faculty wish you a speedy recovery."
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!".