Best Jokes

Six packets of mothballs, please,” said an old lady to the chemist.
“But I sold you six packets yesterday.”
“I know, but my aim’s not very good and I keep missing them.”

As a distinguished matron approached the church entrance, a little boy stepped aside and held the door for her.

"What a polite little doorman," she said as she walked through. "Is there a tip involved?"

"Oh, no," answered the young man. "My mother taught me never to be good for money, but always to be good for nothing."

A father came home from work one night to find his little boy sitting on the cat, with a pen and paper in his hand.
“Why are you sitting on Felix?” he asked.
“Well, teacher told us to write an essay on the family pet.”

“What on earth do you think you are doing?” roared a shop-owner to a man who had walked in and licked all the goods.
The man pointed to a sigh and said, “Well, that notice says ‘Tongue Sandwiches’”.