Best Jokes

A woman puts on a dress two sizes smaller than her large frame and thinking that she looked good she turned to her brother and asked, "How do I look in this dress?"
He said, "Not too bad."
Smiling ever so sweetly, she then started to prance. Realizing his mistake, the brother then said, "I said you don't look TOO bad, that doesn't mean that you don't still look bad."

Hoss rode into town to buy a bull. Unfortunately, when he bought it, he was left with one dollar. Hoss needed to tell his wife to come with the truck and get the bull, but telegrams cost one dollar per word. Hoss said to the telegram man,"OK. I have my one word-'comfortable'." Why do you want to tell her that?” asked the telegram man. "Oh, she's not the best reader," Hoss said. "She'll read it really slowly". (Com-for-ta-ble, get it?)

In a darkets night, a policeman watches a staggering man trying in vain to unlock a door.
"Is this your home, after all?" the policeman asks.
"Sure, I'll prove it to you if you help me."
Inside, the man explains, "You see, this is my bedroom. And this is my wife."
"And who is the man next to her?" the policemand wants to know.
"That's me!"

Bill attended a party where he met an old acquaintance, “Hello, Sam,” he said. “How’s your clothing business? I heard you lost a lot on that fall shipment of dresses.”
“That’s right,” Sam responded.
“And you almost went bankrupt.”
“That’s true too.”
“But I understand you made a big profit on another shipment and wound up having a pretty good season after all.”
“That’s correct. Then I guess you heard all about it, Bill.”
“Yeah,” Bill answered, “but this is the first time I’m hearing all the details.”