Best Jokes

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"

"No, I am an undercover detective."

"So why are you in uniform?"

"Today is my day off."

One shop owner asks another, "So, have you had any responses to your ad that you're looking for a night watchman?"

"Yeah, we got robbed last night."

The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with cutting down a tree without having permission to do so, using a chain saw."

From out in the gallery, a woman shouts, "Lying miser!"

"Silence in the court!" the Judge says. He turns to the defendant and says, "You are also charged with cutting a hedge in a protected area using an electric hedge trimmer."

"You tightwad!" the same woman in the gallery blurted out.

"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To the defendant, "You are also charged with using an electric drill outside your house during night hours."

"You good for nothing..." the woman from the gallery yelled.

The judge thundered at the woman: "If you don't tell me right now the reasons for your outbursts I'll hold you in contempt!"

The woman answered, "I've lived beside that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one!"

My husband, an attorney, is frequently consulted by clients who, after learning what the cost of legal services will be, decide to do without his aid.

Recently the elderly minister of a small, struggling church came in with a legal problem.

After patiently listening to an explanation of my husband’s fees, he left the office with a prudent, "Thank you, sir, but I believe I’ll just pray this one through."