"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.
"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting."
"Did you tell her that what you said was in strict confidence?"
"No, I didn't want her to think it was important enough to repeat."
Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"
The mom reacts, and takes a deep breath. "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"
The mom grabs the book and takes a look. Her son was right, the book read "African Elephant".
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations she or he keeps cranking out.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
JUDGMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.