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Favorite this joke Since I seem to always be late it was suggested that I buy a watch...
I haven't owned one for I don't know how long?
My daughter was working for the American Embassy in Australia when she was expecting her first child. I was so happy when she texted me with the news.
"I'm a grandfather!" I said to my coworkers.
"When was she born?" somebody queried.
Recalling the date she told me, I thought for a minute and said in a calm voice, "Tomorrow!"
A tourist stopped at a country gas station. While his car was being serviced, he noticed an old-timer basking in the sun with a piece of rope in his hand. The tourist walked up to the old-timer and asked, “What do you have there?”
“That’s a weather gauge, sonny,” the old-timer replied.
“How can you possibly tell the weather with a piece of rope?”
“It’s simple,” said the old-timer. “When it swings back and forth, it’s windy, and when it gets wet, it’s raining.”
A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and said that it contained two shells an uncle had given them as souvenirs from World War II.
"We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained. "So all these years, we've kept the shells in the bottom drawer of the china cabinet, away from our children."
The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the ammunition safely. But when he took one out of the box the top came off, revealing a strange black substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other shell and found a hard white substance.
There was no doubt about it. They were souvenir salt and pepper shakers.
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