Best Jokes

"What are the chances of my recovering?" asked the bedridden man.

"One hundred percent," the physician reassured him. "Medical records show that nine out of ten die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. Others all died. Statistics are statistics. You'll be fine soon enough."

"For heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?" Julie whined.

"What?" Chris replied.

"Look around!" Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!"

"I'm sorry, honey," Chris said.

"Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed.

"Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."

Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it.

"I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual."

It's a sign of the time.... it's like being 16 again...

Gas is cheap and I'm grounded again!