A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems. The doctor asks him what he's been eating.
"I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."
"I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path!
Resolutions You Can Keep...
1.) Gain at least 30 pounds.
2.) Read less.
3.) Stop exercising.
4.) Watch more TV.
5.) Procrastinate more.
6.) Start being superstitious.
7.) Spend more time at work.
8.) Stop bring lunch from home and eat out more.
9.) Sleep more.
10.) Start a new bad habit.
At 2:15 AM a man was pulled over by the police for having a burned out tail light. The officer discovered that a dog was sitting behind the steering wheel the car and the man sitting next to him had obviously been drinking.
The officer said, "What is going on here and why is a dog in the driver’s seat?"
The man replied, "I really don't know officer, I guess he took my keys."