Best Jokes

At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..."

Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!"

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

Bobby: What is the difference between a lemon, an elephant, and a bag of cement?

Ray: I give up, what's the difference?

Bobby: You can squeeze a lemon, but you can't squeeze an elephant.

Ray: What about the bag of cement?

Bobby: I just threw that in to make it hard.