Nuts are so expensive now-a-days...
They cost you an ALM-OND a LEG!
At an election booth, a woman was applying electoral ink to her forefinger.
She asked, "How long will this last?"
The officer replied, "60 days!"
The woman asks, "Could you please color my hair as well?"
Two brothers were fast asleep in their room when the eldest heard a thud sound.
Eldest: What's that sound?
Youngest: Oh, it's just my t-shirt falling off my bed.
Eldest: T-shirt? Why was it so loud?
Youngest: Because I was still in it.