Latest Jokes

Steve phoned his dentist when he received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" he complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification."

He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary."

"How come?" asked the woman.

"Crooks don't usually buy peat moss," answered the clerk.

Today had to be one of the most humiliating and worst days of my life! I just finished explaining to both my wife and boss why I'm in the hospital ER.

You see, it had been over 40 years since I've jumped on the back of a moving horse. I really thought that it would come back to me as easily as jumping on a bicycle again, but instead, it turned out to be a HUGE MISTAKE! I mean, I just couldn't stop thinking about how I lost my balance and fell over backwards with my right foot still caught in the stirrup while getting dragged around violently and wondering if I was going to die.

As the Doctor was putting in the very last stitch to the back of my head, he mentioned, "You are very lucky to be alive."

"I know, Doc," I replied. "I also thanked God for the fast thinking on the part of the Merry-Go-Round Operator."